Get myself heard... that sounds nice. It has a nice ring to it. "Get"... as in going as in doing something. "Yourself"... as in me, as in myself, as in I. "Heard"... as in comprehend, as in understood, as in listened to.
The thing is... I am FINALLY listening to myself. I'm hearing what my heart has to say. I have always listened to everyone else in this world. Trying to be perfect for everyone. The perfect student, the perfect employee, the perfect family member, the perfect friend, the perfect everything. I am always trying to make sure I not only please everyone but I have this need to be perfect for everyone except myself. My needs, wants, dreams, ambitions, loves have fallen to the wayside because I was too worried about everyone else. I can't tell you WHY I have chosen the path I have. I could try to explain my heart, my head... but you won't hear me. You won't hear me if you've got earmuffs over your ears and your heart. I want to be heard. Heard for what I REALLY have to say. Not for what everyone wants me to say. I'm not perfect and I'm tired of trying to be. I need to fuck up. I need to fuck up on my own terms. I need people to be my support system. Support and love me and be my safety net. Because I very well may not be that perfect person for myself that I have try so hard to be for everyone else.
I am 27 years old and I need to start living for ME. For nobody else. I AM smart, I AM ambitious, I AM strong, I AM resourceful, I AM one of the hardest workers ever. I will not allow myself to fail. I have people in my life who will be there for me no matter what, no matter when, and no matter how much I fuck up. I know I will never be destitute. Every day I am grateful for those people. I just wish EVERYONE could be that supportive and be holding onto that net telling me how brave they think I am for taking a leap of faith. THAT is what I need. And THAT is what I'm asking be heard.
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