Get myself heard... that sounds nice. It has a nice ring to it. "Get"... as in going as in doing something. "Yourself"... as in me, as in myself, as in I. "Heard"... as in comprehend, as in understood, as in listened to.
The thing is... I am FINALLY listening to myself. I'm hearing what my heart has to say. I have always listened to everyone else in this world. Trying to be perfect for everyone. The perfect student, the perfect employee, the perfect family member, the perfect friend, the perfect everything. I am always trying to make sure I not only please everyone but I have this need to be perfect for everyone except myself. My needs, wants, dreams, ambitions, loves have fallen to the wayside because I was too worried about everyone else. I can't tell you WHY I have chosen the path I have. I could try to explain my heart, my head... but you won't hear me. You won't hear me if you've got earmuffs over your ears and your heart. I want to be heard. Heard for what I REALLY have to say. Not for what everyone wants me to say. I'm not perfect and I'm tired of trying to be. I need to fuck up. I need to fuck up on my own terms. I need people to be my support system. Support and love me and be my safety net. Because I very well may not be that perfect person for myself that I have try so hard to be for everyone else.
I am 27 years old and I need to start living for ME. For nobody else. I AM smart, I AM ambitious, I AM strong, I AM resourceful, I AM one of the hardest workers ever. I will not allow myself to fail. I have people in my life who will be there for me no matter what, no matter when, and no matter how much I fuck up. I know I will never be destitute. Every day I am grateful for those people. I just wish EVERYONE could be that supportive and be holding onto that net telling me how brave they think I am for taking a leap of faith. THAT is what I need. And THAT is what I'm asking be heard.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
O'er the land of the FREE?
I've been reading a lot in the papers all this controversy about Obama and the mosque that will be NEAR Ground Zero. Here's my thoughts.........
First, let's look at the facts. The mosque is planning to be built 2 blocks and around the corner from Ground Zero. In fact... when you are physically at Ground Zero you can't even SEE the mosque... you have to walk down the street to physically see it. You don't even go by it with public transpo... (so you're basically LOOKING for it to run into it). Also for anyone who has been to NYC, you can understand that walking 2 blocks is an altogether NEW location from the 2 blocks you were standing in prior. Manhattan is a small island with nearly everything packed in.
Now for my soap box......
This is freakin The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! HOME OF THE FREEEEEE! Aren't we suppose to be the nation who embraces ALL? All colors, kinds, religions, etc? People from all over the world are suppose to look upon us as a "role model" so to say. How can we as Americans be good role models by shunning other cultures? The mosque isn't a training ground for terrorists. Those who are looking to build the mosque, are doing so as a place of worship... and in hopes of building, not just a physical foundation, but a foundation that is more understood by so many of us who have such a hatred towards them from 9/11. It wasn't the MUSLIM who drove those planes into those buildings. It was TERRORISTS. People who have hate in their soul. It isn't CHRISTIANITY who wears white cloaks thinking the world should be rid of Jews and Blacks... it's the KKK. People who have hate in their soul. How can we go ahead and judge an entire Nationality on some "bad people"? Terrorists are sick... they have caused every single person in this country (and many others) grief and (for lack of better terms) hell, but by turning our own anger towards hating an entire culture isn't the answer.
On the other hand... what does bother me is that there IS so much controversy over this. I understand it is their right to build a mosque wherever they choose (and as stated, I am clearly ALL for it). I just wish that maybe they could be a BIT more sensitive. People are forever scarred loosing husbands, wives, children, etc in such an unimaginable tragedy that is about to come up on it's ten year anniversary. It is still a new wound. It is still wide open. It is still stinging peoples hearts and souls. I think instead of pushing for this, they should let up a bit. I get it... I really do, but I don't know that pushing for something that SHOULD be a warm, happy, welcoming place in a location that has caused so much grief is the best answer. Showing the rest of America what wonderful people Muslims are IS the right answer... I just don't think that by pushing for this location is. I think (just like everything in this world) people need to be "eased" into "new"... new ideas, new beliefs, change. It is no surprise most people don't deal well with change and this IS a change for the BETTER... but we also need to use "kid gloves" with change.
I'm not even going to get started with Obama and what his religious affiliations are. Because I might hit the roof. WHO FREAKIN CARES! I don't believe religion and politics should EVER be mixed. PERIOD! So why does it matter WHAT he believes?! Lets just get back to fixing our country's REAL problems on hatred, the oil leak, global warming, our education, taxes, medicare, healthcare, o and maybe.... OUR ECONOMY! Let's fix things that really matter and stop hating our neighbors who aren't terrorists, but people who believe in love and peace and just want to be accepted like everyone else in this world.
First, let's look at the facts. The mosque is planning to be built 2 blocks and around the corner from Ground Zero. In fact... when you are physically at Ground Zero you can't even SEE the mosque... you have to walk down the street to physically see it. You don't even go by it with public transpo... (so you're basically LOOKING for it to run into it). Also for anyone who has been to NYC, you can understand that walking 2 blocks is an altogether NEW location from the 2 blocks you were standing in prior. Manhattan is a small island with nearly everything packed in.
Now for my soap box......
This is freakin The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! HOME OF THE FREEEEEE! Aren't we suppose to be the nation who embraces ALL? All colors, kinds, religions, etc? People from all over the world are suppose to look upon us as a "role model" so to say. How can we as Americans be good role models by shunning other cultures? The mosque isn't a training ground for terrorists. Those who are looking to build the mosque, are doing so as a place of worship... and in hopes of building, not just a physical foundation, but a foundation that is more understood by so many of us who have such a hatred towards them from 9/11. It wasn't the MUSLIM who drove those planes into those buildings. It was TERRORISTS. People who have hate in their soul. It isn't CHRISTIANITY who wears white cloaks thinking the world should be rid of Jews and Blacks... it's the KKK. People who have hate in their soul. How can we go ahead and judge an entire Nationality on some "bad people"? Terrorists are sick... they have caused every single person in this country (and many others) grief and (for lack of better terms) hell, but by turning our own anger towards hating an entire culture isn't the answer.
On the other hand... what does bother me is that there IS so much controversy over this. I understand it is their right to build a mosque wherever they choose (and as stated, I am clearly ALL for it). I just wish that maybe they could be a BIT more sensitive. People are forever scarred loosing husbands, wives, children, etc in such an unimaginable tragedy that is about to come up on it's ten year anniversary. It is still a new wound. It is still wide open. It is still stinging peoples hearts and souls. I think instead of pushing for this, they should let up a bit. I get it... I really do, but I don't know that pushing for something that SHOULD be a warm, happy, welcoming place in a location that has caused so much grief is the best answer. Showing the rest of America what wonderful people Muslims are IS the right answer... I just don't think that by pushing for this location is. I think (just like everything in this world) people need to be "eased" into "new"... new ideas, new beliefs, change. It is no surprise most people don't deal well with change and this IS a change for the BETTER... but we also need to use "kid gloves" with change.
I'm not even going to get started with Obama and what his religious affiliations are. Because I might hit the roof. WHO FREAKIN CARES! I don't believe religion and politics should EVER be mixed. PERIOD! So why does it matter WHAT he believes?! Lets just get back to fixing our country's REAL problems on hatred, the oil leak, global warming, our education, taxes, medicare, healthcare, o and maybe.... OUR ECONOMY! Let's fix things that really matter and stop hating our neighbors who aren't terrorists, but people who believe in love and peace and just want to be accepted like everyone else in this world.
Monday, August 2, 2010
"You must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart instead."
I haven't written in a while. I'm not sure why. Anyway, yesterday, I started to read "Eat, Pray, Love". I bought the book a few years back, but never got around to reading it. When I went to see "Inception" they played the trailer for the upcoming movie with Julia Roberts and I sat in awe. I didn't know what it was about... and just watching the trailer made me tear up. Obviously, I'm not going through a divorce, but I couldn't help but feel the same way. Like my life isn't what I want it to be... what it should be and why shouldn't it be? I shouldn't be forced to live a life that people think is "acceptable" what you're "suppose to be doing". I hold the paint brush, not anyone else. Sometimes I have a problem with just that. I tend to do what I'm "suppose to", what everyone think I should be doing, living my life for everyone else, making sure everyone else can breathe easy. It shouldn't matter what people think of my decisions. They're mine. Right, wrong, whatever. Maybe they're not the right decisions for everybody. Maybe I will make some mistakes... but they're mine to make. I'm tired of living my life in a box. I want to color outside the lines. I don't want to connect the dots. I want to draw my own picture without dots or color by number. I want to splatter the paint! I don't want a bit of my canvas untouched!
I have an appointment with a Talent Management Wednesday for commercials, tv, and film. I'm still perservering that aspect of my life. I never want to stop. I do have other dreams and ambitions though. I want a lot of things. Maybe that's greedy... maybe that's selfish... but ya know what... it's my canvas.
I have an appointment with a Talent Management Wednesday for commercials, tv, and film. I'm still perservering that aspect of my life. I never want to stop. I do have other dreams and ambitions though. I want a lot of things. Maybe that's greedy... maybe that's selfish... but ya know what... it's my canvas.
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